One of the things I hear a lot (and we say it occasionally too it) is
"You can't always be working."
And I get it.
These people are telling us this to take care of ourselves, to give ourselves a break. They have our best interests in heart but maybe we aren't built that way.
The last month I've had hardly anything to do. I thought that it would be a nice vacation, a much deserved break, but now that I have things on the horizon I'm floundering. I let myself get complacent, soft, lazy, and now I'm finding it harder to pick up the pieces and jump into gear.
I thrive in hyper drive.
I'm my best when I tap into my inner Leslie Knope-esque work ethic.
And even though I know these things to be true, why am I apologizing and made to feel like this is a bad thing?
My 75 year old great aunt has worked about 12-13 hours a day for as long as I've been alive. She runs 2 businesses and her favorite slogan is "When you stop working you die" and I totally get that now.
I stopped working for 3.5 weeks and I already didn’t want to get out of bed, it was harder to get going in the morning, and the urge to go to bed early was always lingering even though I wasn’t tired. It wasn’t recovery, or exhaustion, it was depression and straight up boredom.
With no direction, no deadlines, I was totally wasted.
I told a friend last weekend who was trying to break the habit of “eating when they were bored on the couch” I explained how I had never really succumb to that addiction. If I was going to be sitting on the couch I wanted to be doing something as well, whether it was drawing, or crochet, or putting together decorations for my next shoot, or planning my next vacation. I could never let my mind rest.
And maybe that’s just me. It’s who I am. And I’m not going to let that weigh me down I’m going to let it empower me. And yeah - I won’t schedule myself anymore 3 weddings in one weekend, or double header, double headers, but I won’t stop just because I feel obligated too.